Face it: She’s Gone (December 2019)

Struggling with pages and what they mean to me

Fighting myself for value and currency

Placing the blame on not where it needs to be

Am I the only one lost in the madness

Am I the only one dealing with sadness

Fighting myself with the words I never said

Giving value to a self I cannot shed

I am lost

Trouble speaks

Broken teens will speak of unrelatable things as if they’ve touched a thing

My heart it bleeds. My mind it needs

You not to value tragedy

Shitty is the poet who writes his own dying script

Filling in the voids of chasing words he never meant aside from his subconsciousness

There’s nothing I have left to say to you

Everything is unrepairable. Broken and abused

There’s no love to fit the mold

Like a flower comes to surface

Through the concrete like a criminal

Rolling In Still Motion (December 2019)

And it feels like I'm dying
Does that mean I'm trying?
I cannot breathe. I cannot rest my eyes
Without meaning there's nothing in this life

Cure me from emptiness
Love lost
I cannot comprehend

Days turn
It hurts more
Childhood: an attic
Adulthood: basement floor

Sink King Into Singularity (November 2019)

You know it would just take a second
To put that love back in your eyes
I wonder how you still do this
Leaving behind half of your life

You know I don't want to hurt you
I just hate to feel less alive
So won't you please just take a second
Erase all this space and time

If I could ever see you through this
I'd be a king for all my life

Elephant (November 2019)

I got lost in the madness
buried in sadness
decorated lanes just to stay the same
labeled pain

Energy stole years from me
inward direction
on with inception
backwards just to feel again

transdimensional
i could never leave you
shattered multi-faceted
corners of your game

Think Of Me Too (August 2019)

And baby, I'm thinkin lately
That maybe, just maybe
You think of me too

And baby, I know it's crazy
But maybe, just maybe
You think like I do

Fiction (August 2019)

which part of me's allowed to disagree
with every single word you spoke
i held it close

are you seeking perfection
did our love run out of style
because all i see are dreams of you and me and i can't keep lying now

Reality Test Demo #1 (August 2019)

Spent five years in a time capsule
Like it didn't happen

Just remember
You're already dead
Colonies of you parading their lives inside your head

Evil's the same evil within you
Programmed inside computers then called youth

Anxiety (July 2019)

Controlled by my emotions.
Acrobat behind the curtains.
Roll me like thunder beneath the carpet.
Choose all my words til I feel like i'm starving.

Black Whole (July 2019)

Gray is this canvas
Painted with love
Dried out and fractured
To bleed just because

Was it just your sharpened tongue
Or the comfort that came after?
My inconsistent thoughts
Or the heartbreak I can't shatter?

Stay or go
I want you to know
We were never bound to be perfect
But that hole inside you, also lives inside me
And I think I can offer something you need

Visceral Extraction (July 2019)

Teetering between poetry and gutting you
The latter speaks louder truths
Was I complimentary or complementary
Puzzle pieces; let me define you

Why am I frustrated?
Maybe you know

Fake is all you worship
So worship this smile
Pile them on just to count me in style
Empty is the hand which found me again

Batteries
Half of me
Why do I allow you to be anything?

Ameliorate (July 2019)

Need to hide these strings behind a forest of trees
But this honesty says that's not me
Crippling myself over finding your sheets
How much do I believe?

At the boundary of goodbye, we reside
Fragmenting meaningless phrases and labeling depth
Caught up in the spiral
How much do you or I comprehend?

Part of me knows I'm wasting more than time
Fickle are the truths of desire we preside
Establishing contact and claiming interaction
If we never found the truth, did this even happen?

Like a swan with its head beneath water
Deciding how long trouble holds me under

Baffled is the sky as I pierce it
Did they really ask
How could he really leave us?

Second Mind (July 2019)

I said I was searching for candy
so I snuggled up, kissed a bear

Greece (July 2019)

Frozen lips became the shape of this betrayal
How has distance treated you?
Imagination of you; best I could do
You could never stay away

Pennies in the fountain
What's the difference if I never had them
Can't even repeat your name
Never another you. My tongue begs of me

Poignant over opportunity
What if I never went
We should've had that vacation
Maybe then you'd hear I love you

The passing cars that almost caught me
Curious eyes in the shape of lights
Was I just scaring myself straight
Or did regret forewarn me

Twins (July 2019)

I thought I buried her deep inside notebooks
Never even made the flight
Two for two with losing you
Reverberate hate
Smoking myself comfortable
I never was
I almost ended this

Remember those days?
Ugly intentions with permanent consequences
Maybe the finality would've been solution for you
It was there I found nirvana

Places I never belonged became too familiar
Fast forwarded and it never helped
I'm sure you'd love to air me out
Who did I hurt more?
Forever burdened

Eventually to find the light of day
May the ink speak
Eyes that don't exist
So she says

Beneva (July 2019)

Do I want love
Or do I just want yours?
Whoever she is, she'll never be you
Understanding disappointment

Speaking of ghosts
This calendar must be lying
Am I even trying?
Energy to never be matched
I only have eyes for your heart
Wherever you are

Am I waiting?
Remember when you said it wasn't goodbye

Casual is catching up to me
Never giving them a chance and they're well aware
I'm not even sorry

At least I still find you in dreams
Help me breathe

Nein (July 2019)

Thermite, it just might
Have changed our history
Perspective lost in a cloud of dust
Point out the enemy
Away we go

Treadmill (July 2019)

My exhausted mind begs me to rid you
At least now you're past tense
Potential, yet far from too
You could only sell me on so much
Defiantly I let you breathe
You were never good for me

I'm not ready to love
But the lack of affection has this well empty and uninspired
Criticize me for lack of emotional activity, lack of nameless sex
Would I rather be in your shoes?

Wasn't it too soon?
He just left that home you shared
Rushing for fulfillment
Desperation louder than the bitter things you say

Sharp your tongue, hollow your heart
I saw you all along
If only your face didn't remind me
You never stood a chance

It's true
I wanted to punish you in bed

Karma kept an eye on me
That bitch finally beneficial
Knowing I can't love someone else until I love myself
Does this treadmill ever die?

You Got A Song, Must Mean I Love You (July 2019)

Formless frustration encircles thoughts of you
Defense mechanism, being rude is never cute
What are we pretending to accomplish?
You're better off a touch and go

Is this a comfort zone for you?
Your edges help me keep my distance
Stop acting self-important
Loathing every sentiment you share

Pity the opportunity I offered
Hands were open now my mind is closed
Anger would help me be honest
What's the point?

Comparing me to ideals when you're shallow
Shitty is what you want
You're causing too much a stir
I thought you were meaningless

I never said this was gonna be good
I just need to breathe out the fire you lit inside me
Still it rages on
Getting the best of me and it's my fault

You always were a mistake

Overcast & Contrast (June 2019)

Clouded judgement. You’re still here
Do I cloud you too?
I only reach for her because fragments of you live in that energy
She does her best to wash you away
Another day

Do I have faith in chances yet?
Constant ebb and flow; I’ll never know
Does this tethered rope reach you too
Or does this anchor speak to one-sidedness

Maybe I want her more because now I can’t
She’s gone and that’s comforting
Sounds familiar

They say the past already happened
I still visit

You. Ruin. Me. (2010)

So

Is this how I bathe

My conscious' unhealthy state?

I've role-played dry eyes, I've considered my life

Considered if you've considered to try these hands

Wondering if you'll wander back to me again

I'm sorry as sorry could be

Your future lacks future for me

You're wasting your days letting them take my place

As I'm wasting months letting you be whom I'm thinking of

A strong man belittled to tears

The world all moves forward but his past haunts him

He once had his everything

He confessed he turned his back

She never stopped running from him

You'll always have my heart

Please keep me in mind

The more I can't replace you

The more you take my life

Am I meaningless?

How meaningless am I?

If I showed up at your door would you equal your word with mine?

If I'm meaningless

Then meaningless I die

You Could Say My Room Has Bottle Service (2015)

See, you're happy but you don't have me

So let these flowers rot at your door to symbolize the death of me

Homeward Bound (2010?)

I care too much to ever give a fuck about anyone other than you

These backwards days drive me insane

I don’t know what I should do

If you’re missing me then I’m missing you

When you told me a lie I told you the truth

And now we’re drifting much farther

This pen is my partner and this paper the scenery

These thoughts are the bullets taking the life of me

I’m painting a picture inside of your mind

With hope that you want to rewind us back to our beginning

The same thoughts repeating

Trembling through countless nights

Thinking you were always right

Counting the seconds as they come and pass

Trapping myself in an hour glass

The Rodeo (2009)

Gravity, sweet enemy

Release your grip I've found a cure

It's out of reach now, but I'm sure

She's the antidote for an empty chest

She's love plus misery at their best

Pressed neck to neck

My heart pounds on your chest

I'm feeling so high with my feet on the ground

Pressed neck to neck

Pressed

The Pirate Club (2009?)

I'm mentally senescent

Made a promise, never kept it

I'm rolling around like a mess cuz I am

I lie to myself, even lie to my friends

When I woke up I was plagued insane

I was riddled with the thought of your memory

When I saw color you called it gray

When I showed you love you took the life of me

All I know

Is everything was for show

When I called you, you laughed

You knew we had no standing chance

But I smiled to myself

And gave love to someone else

I killed life, if life lived

Do you know just what I'd give

Just to have you

Oh, to have you

The best times were here, but now they're gone

I thought I killed your love last song